I really wanted to start my own seeds this year. Okay honestly I really want to start them every year. And for a few years, back in the Nichols Homestead days, I did manage to grow my plants from seed. Pat yourself on the back, Reenie, you’ve successfully done it before.
And now give your old friend Reality a big hug and let go of the idea that this is the year to make that happen. It isn’t. You are going to garden (hooray!), but you aren’t together enough to start things from seed indoors this year. Let it go.
And maybe, just maybe, we can even let go of this mistaken notion that is has to do with how “together” you are. Or even that somehow starting things from seed makes you a better person (I mean obviously it makes you a thriftier person, but whatevs). Maybe in embracing reality today, we can acknowledge the other things going on that you have chosen that have taken priority over being the earthy crunchiest thriftiest gardener alive. Would you really choose planting things from seed over the time you spend with your dear and aging grandparents? You can plant seeds any year but the grandparents are here for a limited time. Would you choose planting seeds over the new flooring and renovations in the upstairs hallway which desperately needed to happen? Over spending time with family? Over another overnight with the greatest kids alive? Over meaningful friendships? Over ministering to teens at youth group? What is it that you’re willing to give up so that you can be the earthy crunchiest thriftiest gardener alive?
Hello Reality. Thank you for that.
I think sometimes we need to just stop in our busy lives, stop beating ourselves up for whatever that thing is today, and embrace reality. Embrace the things we have chosen and let go of the things we cannot make room for because of those choices. We cannot do it all. And we certainly cannot do it all well.
This past Advent I was praying about what God wanted to do in my life, what He wanted from me for Christmas. And more clearly than I usually hear God, I heard this: “I want you to give up self condemnation.”
I stopped in my tracks. Self condemnation??? I don’t actually think of myself as a person that struggles with that. I am generally happy with who I am. I am not stuck obsessing about what people think of me or what I’m doing with my life. Sure there are a million things I want to improve about myself, but self condemnation? Are you sure you mean me?
We are now in the middle of Lent and I am still unpacking that request one day at a time. Today letting go of self condemnation is letting go of wanting to plant my garden plants from seed and condemning myself for not being “together” enough to do it. Weird. Trivial. Even ridiculous. Yes. And as weird, trivial, and ridiculous as it is, it is harder than you’d think. Today I choose to let it go and be content with my limitations. To embrace the choices and commitments I’ve made that make adding this one thing into the mix impossible. And maybe even to embrace those limitations as part of my path to holiness.
What are you letting go of today?